Adventures in Wedding Crashing
by 8-No-Hollaback-Girl
Summary: In the sequel to "Where to?", Teague's decided to call in what he believes he is due for the huge "favor" he did Mina by driving her to the disaster at Nan's house. But crashing a teenage girl's party and crashing an elite, Fae wedding and reception are two VERY different ballgames, as the terrible twosome will soon discover.
1. Cinderella was a Blonde

**Hello everyone!**

**Ahaha, the sequel! I decided to follow through, and I sincerely hope you all enjoy it. Mina really didn't appear to have any special talents or hobbies, besides stressing out and being a spaz, (art was mentioned, but only like _once_), so I decided to make her a manga/anime loving freak, like myself. Maybe some of you can relate. **

**Also, I've decided that, in my fanfiction world, Fable and Reign never happened! Because**

**1) It makes things more complicated.**

**2) I'm lazy.**

**3) Ain't nobody got time for dat.**

**And Happy Slightly-Belated Birthday, Fluffy! Love ya. ;p**

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><p>The sight of Wilhelmina Grimm's bedroom was not a pretty one. And a person, other than herself, did not casually <em>hang out<em> in said room. Other than the renowned mountains of dirty laundry that she wouldn't get around to washing until the next Spring, at least, the room would seem somewhat normal to the human eye. Then, if you got a good look at it, you'd see that she wasn't a normal teenager at all, but a strange, American Otaku.

With manga volumes piled under her bed sheets, inside her pillowcases for safekeeping, raining down from the top shelf of her closet, and stacked in systematic chaos on all hard surfaces, Mina had a bit of a hoarding issue. And that didn't even cover the multiple seasons of anime she kept comfortably stored in a throne-like mass in one corner of her nerd-cave.

She had only recently gotten into the manga and anime scene, but it was a pretty bad obsession all the same. And, being a young woman with limited social connections, no love life, and a curse more than ready to strike at any time she left the house, Mina became very well acquainted with the shut-in, hermit lifestyle.

And, at the moment, she was contentedly watching the first and only season of _Kuragehime_ for the fourth or fifth time, with no idea at all of the many wonders and horrors she would face that evening. The poor thing.

"Oooh, nerd love is so kawaii!" She giggled, watching her favorite little geeks, Shuu and Tsukimi, be absolutely perfect and awkward. "If only there was a season two! I mean, I've read the mange twice, but it's still ongoing, and it's just torture waiting for the English translations, because that takes forever! Oh, that's it! I'll buy a Rosetta Stone package with my savings and learn Japanese…"

"Good grief, woman. Do you often have such animated conversations with yourself?"

"Ah!" Not expecting the voice of her least favorite person in the world (though he could debate that with her) to appear so suddenly and unexpectedly, Mina toppled off the side of her half-made bed and onto the extremely untidy floor.

Jerking back up, hoping she had been hallucinating after too many chocolate milks and not enough actual food, Mina peaked up over the side of her comforter and met the bemused gaze of the _lovely_ Dark Prince of the Fae plane.

"T-Teague…?"

"Geez! I mean, I get that I told you not to worry about your attire last week, but you could have at least put on a little mascara for my arrival!" He complained, eyeing her with obvious distaste.

Even though Mina was still in a small state of shock and confusion as to what he was doing in her bedroom at 5:30 p.m. on a Saturday night, she still managed to be offended enough by his comment to reply, "I'll have you know that I _am_ wearing mascara!"

He rolled his eyes at her impatiently and surveyed the room, looking grossed out. "The clear kind doesn't count, _Wilhelmina_."

She sulked a little. "It does too…"

"Yeah, if you're nine!" He retorted, crossing his arms. "Oh-em-gee, you _forgot_, didn't you!"

"F-forgot?" She mumbled, trying to regain her bearings and figure out what the heck he was rambling on about now.

Teague let out a horrified moan and waved his arms at her in frustration. "The _wedding,_ you tart! My super fat and wrinkly cousin's wedding in an _hour_, I might add!"

Mina stepped back and tripped over an old volume of _Kamisama Hajimemashita_, toppling onto her butt. "You- you were being serious about that!?"

"Serious as the plague, dimwitted human!"

She stared up at him blankly, further contributing to the 'dimwitted' barb.

Teague let out another groan, plopping down onto the messy bed and giving her a long-suffering look. "Mina, I _need_ a date for this pointless event. I told my mother I had a suitable partner, and that she needn't pick one for me. But, if I show up with _no one_, I'm might as well throw myself from the highest spire of the palace."

Mina frowned and picked herself up off the floor. "Don't you think that's a bit melodramatic?"

He only shook his head woefully.

She rolled her eyes and looked around her beyond-help, messy room. "So, what, the palace brothel is out of stock, and you resorted to me instead?"

Teague scoffed, "Pfft. Like _my mother _would give her husband and son direct access to a brothel in her own home?"

Mina nodded. "Yeah, you're right. That does sound unlikely."

He snorted and continued, "Besides, girls like that are just trained to agree with everything I say and not give me any problems. What's the fun in that? I'm much better off with a troublesome wench, such as yourself."

She sighed. "Gee, I'm flattered."

He grinned. "See? I need you. Now, let me have a better look at what I'm up against. Come closer." Teague motioned her towards him. Mina considered putting up a fight, but really didn't have the energy to eventually be defeated in the long run.

The Dark Prince carefully observed her minimal makeup, bun that was falling apart, and gray sweats. He shook his head and sighed loudly. "This is the toughest case I've yet to face. But don't worry. I'm determined to succeed."

Mina scowled at him. "Now you're just quoting _Wicked_."

He waggled a finger at her. "Respect musical theatre, Mina. It'll do you some good." Teague reached out and tugged the sleeve of her sweatshirt. "Ugh. You are a disgusting example of your species. You know that? You're not even trying anymore." The prince then leapt up and pushed Mina towards one of the few spots on the floor that wasn't covered in something.

"Close your eyes, hold your breath, and let me work my magic." He ordered, stepping back and assessing her quickly.

Mina threw her hands up in front of her face. "Hey! What do you mean, 'close my eyes' and 'hold my breath'? Are you planning on gassing me with poison!?"

He rolled his eyes so hard, she thought they would fall right out of his head. "No, idiot. I have a lot of crap to fix, _clearly_." He retorted, gesturing to her entire body. "And it's going to take a lot of bright, icky magic that won't taste good, I'll tell you that."

Mina huffed and looked at everything but him. "I don't want to go some wedding with a bunch of people that hate my guts."

Teague shook his head. "No one will know who you are besides, like, my mother. And maybe my dad, if he's paying attention. Now _do _what I said."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better?"

"No. Not really."

She growled and eyed his tall frame for a moment. "Why aren't you dressed up, then? Is this some kind of joke?" He was wearing a dark, puffy-sleeved shirt and brown pants with leather boots. Mina didn't know much about Fae fashion, but she assumed his look wasn't formal enough to be a prince's attire at a family wedding.

Teague threw his hands up in exasperation. "No! I haven't got _my _Sunday best on because I need to fancy you up still and make sure our outfits don't clash! _Duh!_"

"Oh." Mina sighed. That was a reasonable enough answer. "But I still don't want to go... I have important things to do."

He gave her a look and picked up the nearest manga volume. "Oh, yes. I can see that. Heaven _forbid_ you don't find out if…" Teague leafed through the book quickly, "Ren finally gets the guts to kiss Kyoko as himself, instead of Kuon." He flicked through a couple more pages. "Oh, look, he _doesn't_." The book then was tossed unceremoniously across the room, into a far corner.

"Hey!" Mina pouted angrily, "You ruined it! I waited three months for that to be delivered! Now I'm definitely _not_ coming, jerk!"

Teague's eyes narrowed, and she realized that his patience was as good as gone.

"Wilhelmina Grimm. You _will_ let me dress you up. You _will _attend the wedding with me. And if you do not, I _will_ kidnap you and burn your house to the ground."

She stared at him speechlessly.

"You… wouldn't…" Mina mumbled, not believing her words at all.

"Try me." He replied, watching her impatiently.

And then Mina had a complete change of heart. More or less.

"Well, what are we waiting for? We have a wedding to go to! Let's get me prettied up and hit the road!" She declared, waving her arms feverishly, and fully prepared to be bibbidi-bobbidi-boo-ed into fabulousness, or whatever a certain Dark Prince might say.

Teague grinned amiably and nodded in approval. "Now that's what I'm talking about. Hold still. This may or may not sting a little bit."

Mina blinked. "What?"

But it was too late to back out. The second the Dark Prince finished his statement, a great, white flash illuminated the room and nearly blinded her, were it not for her remembering to close her eyes at the last millisecond. She'd held her breath instinctively, so not to inhale whatever nastiness he planned on zapping her with.

Being completely covered and- more or less- infected with Fae magic was the oddest feeling Mina had ever experienced. It was tingly and ticklish and painful all at once. It wove into her hair, across her face, and all over her body like a swarm of insects. It felt, in other words, somewhat disgusting. But a pleasant disgusting, which made little sense.

And, as quickly as it had begun, the magic stopped.

She cracked open her heavy eyelids to see the last remnants of the spell float away and disappear like the sparks of a firecracker.

"Oh, I am _good_." Teague piped up, breaking Mina from her reverie.

She took a wobbly step towards him, and another, and finally stopped in front of the oval mirror she kept mounted on the wall for very occasional usage.

"Whoa."

And_ 'whoa' _was certainly right. Mina had to blink several times and lean towards the mirror. It was a bit hard to believe what she was seeing. Her chestnut brown hair was woven in a wild, messy style down her back; stray curls and waves sprung out left and right, but in an intentional, lovely sort of way. A band of silver leaves sprinkled with blue gemstones adorned her head. Kind of like a tiara… She hardly recognized her own face, either. Her skin shimmered like dew, and her makeup was both meticulous and natural looking. Her lips had never looked so pink and full, nor had her lashes ever seemed so thick and long. She then realized that had to do with the fact that they were falsies, which would explain the heavy, droopy feeling of her eyelids.

Still, she looked… well, like a total babe.

And the dress blew everything else out of the water.

"Holy cow…"

Mina delicately touched the voluminous skirt with her gloved fingertips, amazed how the exotic gown felt lighter than air. The fabric was a twinkling, shimmery silver-blue, almost transparent, and constructed in long, fluffy layers. The neckline was held up by several tiny straps of blue crystals that wrapped around her neck. Similar straps wrapped around her waist, above the enormous, flaring skirt.

"I could hide an entire tribe of Oompa Loompas under this dress." She commented, grabbing large handfuls of it and yanking upwards. Mina was then pleasantly surprised to see that Teague had put her in low, azure heels, rather than six-inch, glass stilettos, like she'd almost been expecting. It was uncharacteristically thoughtful of him.

The prince in question smirked, seemingly reading her mind. "It'll do me no good if you kill yourself before we even arrive." His cobalt eyes flickered over her once more, "And, though I'm not sure why you would ever need to hide a tribe of midgets under your garments, I can see the potential."

She scrunched her nose at him, "Don't get any ideas."

He grinned. "Who, _me_? I would never."

"_Sure._"

Teague finished perusing her figure with his eyes and nodded his approval. "You could be royalty. Good thing, too. Now you look half as good as I will."

Mina frowned. "Wow, _half as good_ as you will. I feel really great about myself." She replied dryly, fluffing her hair and admiring the satiny quality of the evening gloves adorning her arms.

Even though her typical clothing choices included graphic tees, sweatpants, and mismatched socks, Mina couldn't help but let out a happy sigh at her magical appearance. The school dance, Red Riding Hood getup was nothing in comparison to this.

"I look like Cinderella…" She murmured to herself dreamily.

"Pretty sure she was a blonde." Teague broke in, completely interrupting Mina's princessy daydreams, "And that really isn't a tale you'd want to go through. _Trust me_ on that one."

She scowled and whirled around crossly, "Oh, would you just lay _off_ al-"

But Mina really couldn't finish her sentence after getting a look at him. Holy Hotpants.

Teague's transformation hadn't made such a big, flashy presentation as hers had, but he was, well, rather stunning all the same. His raven hair was combed back neatly, yet still managed to look naturally windswept. He wore a detailed, pale blue tailcoat, a navy vest with silver buttons, a crisp, white undershirt paired with a silk, indigo tie, charcoal pants, and black, leather boots. The ensemble was fitted so impressively around his broad shoulders, narrow waist, and long legs, she couldn't help but stare…

He looked _so much_ like some Prince Charming from a fairy tale book, Mina was suddenly convinced she was having a very strange, very realistic dream.

"_I know, I know._ Don't hate me because I'm beautiful." He spoke up haughtily, quickly reminding her why _he_ was no kind of Prince Charming. "Am I not alluring? Don't you just want to throw yourself at me and beg-"

"No!" She shouted, clenching her hands and whipping back around, shooting him a disgusted look over her shoulder. "Now, are we going to a super fat and wrinkly person's wedding or not? I'm hungry."

Teague grinned widely and swept over to her, taking her hand gallantly. "Ah, yes. Thinking of your stomach over a man's newfound, marital happiness, are we? A woman after my own heart! Then let us be on our way!"

Before she could say a word, another bright light flashed through the room, and she felt the telltale buzz of magic sail over her body.

When Mina opened her eyes, she found herself on the roof of their building, shivering in the chilly, Autumn wind.

"You ready?" Teague questioned, kicking a plastic chair out of the way and observing the fiery, evening sunset lighting up the sky.

She rubbed her goosebump-covered upper arms and frowned. "We couldn't have just gone from my room?"

He shook his head at her slowly, like she was a simpleton. "_No_, Mina. I already used too much magic in there. My enchantments could get confused; possibly send us to the wrong location. Like the belly of a dragon, or something else inconvenient." He grabbed one of her gloved hands. "Now, brace yourself."

She pretended to look around in disappointment. "What, no flying stretch limo to take us there in style?" A scene from her favorite Shrek movie came to mind.

Teague cocked a disbelieving brow at her and shook his head. "A flying stretch limo? Like that makes any logical sense."

A brilliant light appeared on the edge of the roof and began to swirl and grow in size.

Mina sighed and sent one last longing look towards her bedroom window. "Because everything else that's happened so far has been perfectly normal…" She grumbled back.

The Dark Prince chose to ignore her. "Alright. Here we go. Don't let go of my hand, Gimp."

Mina huffed. "Sure thing, hon."

And, with that, he took off towards the large, floating portal and leapt from the edge of the building, yanking her along with him. She may or may not have let out a little scream here and there.

But, a second before falling to their demise, the duo toppled into the magical doorway and flew through… disappearing from sight and entering a whole other world.

**°******۵******°**


	2. Throw Some Glitter, Make It Rain

**Hello everyone! Thanks for the sweet reviews.(x's and o's) Hope you enjoy this update. ;)**

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><p>Changing planes kinda felt like bungee jumping, Mina decided. Not that she'd ever participated in such an activity. That would be like asking for death, in her situation. Still, falling at an impossible speed, towards a blurred, uncertain destination, with no sense of actual direction, only to be yanked back upwards at the last moment sounded about right. Also, she wanted to throw up. And that would probably be applicable in both situations.<p>

Another flash of blinding light and Mina found herself on her hands and knees, smooth cobblestones under her gloved fingertips, and a spotless pair of black boots in her peripheral vision.

She dry heaved a couple of times, several shiny, loose curls falling into her face, then leaned up and scowled at the Dark Prince, who looked to be in perfect condition, on his feet, and watching her curiously.

"I'm pretty sure most people only puke _after_ the reception and several glasses of-"

"Oh, shut it!" Mina growled, hobbling clumsily onto her feet and examining her beautiful dress for any noticeable damage.

Teague sighed and rolled his eyes. "Oh_, please_. I wouldn't put you in a gown that could be ruined within five minutes!" He gestured to the fluffy skirt, "Knowing _you_, I made sure that nothing on your body could be stained, torn, and/or shredded by anything less than a _grenade_. I'm not taking any chances."

Mina blinked in surprise, looking at her dress with newfound respect. "That was actually a really good idea."

He scoffed, "As if I've ever had a_ bad _idea."

"I'm choosing to ignore that statement." She replied, turning away from him and taking in their surroundings. "_Wow_…" They stood at the entrance of the palace courtyard, or, rather, she assumed that was where they were. She hadn't exactly had a chance to study the layout of Teague's home before.

Large, marble pillars lined the walkway to the palace doors, draped in ivory silks and branches of small, red flower buds. Golden fixtures decorated with slim candlesticks gave the area a warm, romantic ambiance. The pale carpet that led to the open front doors was even sprinkled with maroon flower petals.

Something then occurred to Mina. "Gosh, it looks like we're being led to a _honeymoon _suite…" She stated warily, eyeing a trio of harp and lute players in the corner.

Teague grinned in the wicked way Mina was so familiar with and wiggled his eyebrows. "_It could be_." He took a handful of the back of her gown and pulled her towards him.

"You wish, pedo!" She snarled, smacking his stupid face and pulling away. "Keep your hands to yourself tonight."

He only stepped a bit away from her and smiled. "I will make no such promises."

"Pig."

"_Oink_." Teague replied saucily, offering his arm to her and gesturing to the palace doors.

Mina took it reluctantly, knowing she had few other options. "Well, we're off to see the wizard."

"The Wonderful Wizard of-" Teague began singing, but she abruptly cut him off with a dainty, gloved elbow and grinned evilly.

"Rule number one, Teague-_ no_ singing. Rule number two- definitely no singing _that _song." She ordered sweetly, jerking him along to the entrance.

"Who told you you're allowed to rain on _my_ paraaad-" The singing was back.

"SHUT UP!" She hollered.

He whimpered like a scolded puppy, giving her a sulky look and stopping at the doorway. Two guards were posted there. One was tall and thin, rather handsome, and very dedicated, judging by his tense posture and careful scrutiny of what Mina assumed was the guest list. The other one just leaned against the doorframe, scratching his mustache.

The attractive one didn't look up from the list in his hands as he flicked through it and asked, "Name, title, and invitation, please."

Teague sighed and rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to be on the list. I don't _need_ an invitation. And I'm fairly certain you _know_ my title, _Rynne_."

The guard huffed and looked up, "Now, see here. This is the _palace,_ and we don't just let any old riff-raff in- _oooh_." He broke off, turning scarlet as he realized his mistake.

"I have that effect on people." Teague replied, obviously enjoying taunting the poor guy. "Now, what was that you were saying about 'riff-raff'? I'm sure it offended my delicate partner. Isn't that right, darling?" He turned to her with a devilish expression.

She frowned and shook her head at him. "_No_, actually. It's quite alright, Rynne. It was an honest mistake. You clearly are excellent at what you do. Keep up the good work." Mina had no idea why she said a thing like that. But, by the look on the guard's face, it was well received.

"Thank you, milady! I'm flattered! _More _than flattered, and-"

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Can you let us through already, Captain Butt-kiss?" Teague interrupted rudely.

Mina smacked his arm, but Teague simply pushed her through the doorway and into the main hall, leaving the blushing, stuttering guard and his disinterested coworker behind them.

She tried not to be too distracted by the immaculate décor and high ceilings of his home as she chewed him out. "Hey, that was rude! Do you treat_ all_ your employees like that? I'm amazed they haven't gone on strike yet! That guy deserves a raise."

Teague groaned. "Haven't you criticized me enough for one night, woman?" He shook his head and dragged her along. "If you were paying attention to him, rather than coming up with all that baloney flattery, you'd have noticed that he was staring at your _rack_- not your face- as he accepted those ridiculous praises."

Mina cocked a perfectly done up eyebrow. "You did _not_ just call my chest a 'rack'."

He returned her look equally. "You did not just call _your_ chest a 'chest'."

She rolled her eyes at him. "That's what _it is_."

He snorted, leading her to another set of large, double doors. "Yeah, and that's what a _rack _is, too."

Mina scowled. "I give up! Forget it!"

Teague grinned. "Gladly, my love. Now, compose yourself. We're about to enter the lion's den."

She paused, staring at the enormous doorway decorated with drapery and flowers. "Lion's den?"

"The one and only." And, with that, Teague gripped her wrist firmly and pushed the doors open, yanking her inside.

"Do you _have_ to manhandle me all the-" Mina broke off her griping when her previously blinded vision cleared. Holy macaroni.

The Lion's Den was a chapel, apparently. A chapel decorated to kill and filled with hundreds of fancied up Fae. Her Grimm-senses were totally tingling.

And, naturally, she and the Prince were standing in the doorway, loudly drawing attention to themselves and attracting the eyes of every fairy tale creature in the room.

"Greetings, my dear subjects and royal chumps! The main attraction has arrived!" Teague announced, gesturing to himself grandly and nearly clobbering Mina's nose in the process.

She frowned disapprovingly. "That would be the bride, Teague, not _you_. This isn't your wedding." Her voice echoed throughout the silent, cavernous room.

To her surprise, the statement set off trills of chatter over the many pews- at least, she figured that's what the seats were- filled with normal looking Fae, colorful Fae, giant Fae, and Fae covered in horns, scales, or wings.

"_Called him by his first name, didn't she?"_

"_So informal. How ever does he tolerate her?"_

"_Do you suppose that tiny, pitiful little thing is his lover_?" Obnoxious, mean-girl laughter followed that comment.

"_I wonder where she found that exquisite gown?"_

"_I bet she had His Majesty order it for her. Greedy tramp."_

"_I don't recognize her."_

"_What a fine specimen she is, wouldn't you say?"_

The buzzing wave of gossip and criticism was so loud and heavy, it almost overwhelmed Mina, forcing her to step back a few feet.

She officially wished she was invisible. It was like going to the dance with Brody all over again. She felt like a bug being dissected.

To her surprise, instead of laughing or making a joke of it, Teague put both hands gently on her shoulders and whispered, "Please, just ignore it. They do this to any unknown girl with a Royal. Don't listen. You look… lovely."

The seriousness in his voice was startling, to say the least. She met gaze and nodded, holding her head high. This caused him to smile.

"We should probably get out of the doorway, though." Mina commented, breaking the rather uncomfortable stare. "Wouldn't want to get in the bride's way…"

Teague raised an eyebrow, but nodded. "Right. Of course."

With that, the Dark Prince clasped her hand in his- a somewhat embarrassing gesture- and pulled her down the long, ivory rug that led to the altar. She felt every single eye on her as they passed the flower-covered pews. There were hateful, envious, lecherous, and disapproving gazes- all following her little fabric-drowned body down the aisle.

Mina realized that this was probably what it was like for celebrity couples in _her_ world and immediately felt a strange, apologetic urge for ever criticizing Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, as she allowed herself to be lead farther and farther into the chapel.

Despite the whispers and scorching stares, Mina distracted herself by taking in the all the beauty of the grandly decorated room. The ceilings were so high, she pitied anyone who had to clean and polish them. The drapery was tasteful. The red and white flowers all over the room emitted a heady perfume that made her kinda dizzy. But the enormous, floor to ceiling, stained glass window behind the altar was what made the entire chapel exquisite.

With the flaming sunset shining through each pane, the room was bathed in a sparkling, ethereal light. Mina couldn't help but stare at each and every detail, wishing she'd brought her sketch pad to try and copy-

"Hey, would ya sit down already? I get that you're impressed, but you don't have to act like a bumpkin." Teague's smug voice broke through her thoughts.

Mina whipped back to reality and realized that she _was_ standing rather dumbly outside the very first row of pews, gawking up at a window.

Not that she'd ever agree with Teague.

"Oh, shut up." She grouched, plopping down next to him.

Her reply garnered a whole new wave of gossip and whispers throughout the room. She didn't bother to listen this time.

"I can't believe you would disrespect me so much in front of _my own _subjects! It pains me!" Teague declared, sounding far too dramatic to be taken seriously.

"_You_ are late." A cutting, regal voice broke in._ Oh dear. _Mina recognized that tone and the woman it belonged to, who occupied the spot to the Dark Prince's left.

"Mother!" Teague burst out, giving the Queen a megawatt grin. "You look _beautiful _this evening. Is that a new necklace? Tell me. It's a new necklace, right? You've had a trim? You've had a cut? Something about you is _just_-"

"Silence, Teague. Enough with the babbling." Queen Maeve crossed her ankles primly and smoothed her flawless, lavender ball gown. She lowered her voice and leaned closer to her son. "Would you care to explain who you_ intelligently_ decided to bring along with you?" The question dripped with sarcasm.

Mina watched Teague's eyebrows wiggle in that rebellious, devil-may-care way. "Why, _Mother_, this is Lady Wilhelmina of the International District. I believe you've met before."

"Yeah, no kidding." Mina found herself grumbling under her breath, but heard by Queen Maeve all the same.

"Yes…" The Queen let the word trail off, giving Mina a harsh look. "But I believe you told me you found a_ suitable_ partner."

Of course Mina was offended. But what could she possibly say against one of the _Fates_, of all people? Nothing. Teague didn't have similar reservations.

"Don't be rude." He quipped, crossing his arms and stretching his legs out lazily. "_I _picked her. _I'm_ pleased with my decision. And I _don't_ want to socialize amongst the royal chumps with anyone else. Shouldn't that be enough, Mother dearest?"

"You-" Maeve began, but she halted at the look her son was giving her. The stirring darkness inside of him occasionally lit up his eyes, as it was doing now. If she didn't let him have his way this time, there was no telling what he would do. She didn't want to clean up another one of his messes. Not so soon after the last one. The nobles would only further doubt his suitability to be a proper heir to the throne.

"Very well." She finished stiffly. "But _do not_ make any scenes tonight. Understood?"

Teague laughed merrily. "When have_ I_ ever made a scene?"

Mina and the Queen both snorted at the same time, causing them to glance at each other and quickly look away. They weren't_ comrades_, after all.

"Well, she looks the part. At least you dressed her appropriately. Just make sure she doesn't _offend_ anyone." Maeve added, giving Mina another cursory look down her perfect, royal nose.

Teague let out an amused chuckle as he nudged her. "I believe my mother just gave you a _compliment_, honey-bunches."

Really? It certainly hadn't sounded like one.

Maeve seemed to agree, because a scoff escaped her perfectly lacquered mouth. "Oh, please. I-"

But Her Majesty's argument was abruptly stopped by the large entry doors being thrown open and a bizarre form of "The Wedding March" bursting forth from the ivory organ to the right of the altar, surrounded by glowing, singing little creatures.

"Here comes the bride." Teague smirked, tossing an arm casually over Mina's shoulder and watching the doorway. She was too busy trying to shrug off his arm, apparently, and soon found his long index finger poking her jaw and turning her face towards the entrance.

Despite her annoyance, she became transfixed on the first bridesmaid that came trancing through the doors with her enormous, bumpy partner- a groomsman, Mina assumed.

"A good troll." Teague supplied.

"Ah." She replied.

The next pairs waltzed down the carpeted aisle after them, coming in all shapes and sizes. There was a scaly woman with a hairy, saber-toothed escort, a girl with glass wings who had a pale, translucent partner, a lady with antlers and hooves that walked with a tree-man…. The oddities seemed endless.

And, while Mina knew she was no one to judge a person's fashion sense, the gowns they wore were in the gaudiest shade of fuchsia she'd ever seen. It clashed with every one of their skin tones and skin… textures… not to mention the long, puffy sleeves and high waistline that did nothing for their figures.

Good grief, she was even beginning to _think_ like Teague.

"_Ugh_, sweet mother of Fate." The prince in question hissed, eyeing the dresses like they were sent up from the ninth ring of Hell.

"Watch your language." The Queen scolded immediately, then turned to the left and quietly scolded some more- "Lucian! Lucian, _wake up. _You can't sleep through your own cousin's wedding!"

Mina hadn't noticed the King's presence until then, as he jerked awake and almost fell off their pew.

"_Evening_, Father." Teague snickered.

The King rubbed his face and gave his wife a surly look. "_Pardon me._ It isn't as if we've been in here for two hours or anything."

"Don't you use that sarcastic tone with me!"

"Sorry, dear." He replied tiredly, seeing Mina for the first time as well. "Oh, hello."

Now that she thought about it, King Lucian had never harassed, bullied, or insulted her- unlike _some_ people. "Hello, Your Majesty. That's a nice coat."

He looked down past his golden beard and… ascot? She didn't know what the fancy neck-scarf was called. "Thank you. Maeve selected it. Said I would end up 'clashing' with her or some nonsense if I chose myself…" The King yawned.

Mina let out a laugh. "Sounds familiar!" She replied, jerking a thumb at Teague, who was tired of being ignored.

"Enough schmoozing my dad, Lady Wilhelmina." He broke in, pushing her head to face the doorway again. "Bridezilla approaches!"

Mina was temporarily distracted by the little flower girl approaching the altar. And by little, she meant _little._ The girl was just shy of two feet, with a wild mess of dark curls, giant black eyes, and a dress that made her look like a magenta version of the Great Pumpkin.

And she had bright, mint green skin. Couldn't forget that little detail…

Mina wasn't sure if she found the kid creepy or adorable. She felt bad thinking it, but the flower girl _kinda_ looked like a baby Monster High doll…

All of these thoughts were cut off immediately, though, as Mina and every other person in the room with working eyes caught sight of the next thing strutting down the aisle.

"I'm being blinded by bling!" Teague whined, holding a hand up in front of his face. Mina couldn't help but feel the same.

Bridezilla was something else. The withering old man walking her to the altar was practically invisible next to the bride's… flamboyant… attire. _Not only_ was she a spitting image of the flower girl in adult form, with giant black eyes and wild curls, Bridezilla's gown was the biggest, shiniest, most bedazzled thing that _ever was_. The bodice seemed to be constructed purely of crystals, pushing her ample cleavage up to a racy height. Her slender throat was adorned by the heaviest diamond choker Mina had ever seen, and her dark locks were pinned up in a meticulous… beehive… of curls, decorated with gem-covered hairpins. The veil itself trailed twenty feet behind her, and her freakishly small waist led to an absolutely colossal ivory skirt, making Mina's own look seem understated.

Perhaps the bride's gown had _also_ been left outside the last time it poured sparkles, because the fiery sunset that shone through the window made the entire dress a walking disco ball.

Not to mention the whiteness of the garment making her brilliant green skin seem even more striking.

Mina felt traumatized by the overabundance of glam. She could hardly move as Bridezilla strutted her shiny stuff down the aisle, like she was America's Next Top Model, dragging her poor, ancient father behind her.

"_Go insane, go insane; throw some glitter, make it rain." _Teague singsonged under his breath.

_That _made Mina choke on her own spit. _Geez, she was not going to encourage his antics! _She made herself force back the laughter. Queen Maeve was not as amused.

"Shh!" She hissed, jabbing her son in the ribs as the bride joined her groom.

A super fat and wrinkly cousin he was _indeed_. Mina suddenly understood how Teague had developed his previous "gold-digging hooker" accusation.

She leaned in closer to him and whispered, "Teague… are _we_ on an episode of _My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding_?"

Only helpless snickers and poorly choked down laughter followed this question, followed by plenty of queenly jabs and smacks to go along with them.

It was going to be _long_ ceremony.

**°******۵******°**


	3. I Ship It

**Not really sure what happened in this chapter, lol. But I just went with it. ;) **

* * *

><p>Over half an hour into the ceremony, Mina was seriously, <em>seriously<em> regretting ever laying eyes on Teague and his family. It never ended! It was like they were witnessing a year-long introduction on just the couple's lineage.

_Kill. Me. Now. _Where was a Reaper when she needed one?

Teague seemed equally bored, as he was playing with the buttons on his attire and making faces at people she assumed he didn't like, whenever they weren't looking his way.

The sun had finally gone down; that took the extreme glare off of the bride's gown, at least. Even in the cool evening air, the poor bridesmaids looked sweaty and pained. Mina guessed _they too_ realized how hideous their dresses were, and that the bride clearly despised every single one of them. The groomsmen looked like they were asleep on their feet… well, appendages, anyway. The flower girl didn't even pretend to be interested in what was happening, dozing off against the legs of the scaly woman, who was grimacing.

"You think she's constipated, or she just really doesn't like kids?" Teague whispered into Mina's ear, startling her. He had apparently had followed her gaze and formed his own opinion.

"_Eh_… I think she's just hot in that dress, and the sleeping green bean isn't helping matters." Mina murmured under her breath, fearing the Queen's slapping wrath more than anything

Teague snickered quietly. "Sorry, hon. But even Kate Upton couldn't make that dress hot."

Mina elbowed him. "You know what I meant…"

"Shh!" Maeve hissed once again, jabbing them both with her long, manicured fingernails.

"_Touchy._" Teague grumbled, resting his head on Mina's shoulder.

Egh… his thick hair was going to make her neck sweaty. But if she made much more noise, Mina feared being completely impaled by his mother's spear-like fingers.

The priest- or whatever he was- officiating the ceremony wore a long silver and gold robe, a heavy, gleaming necklace, and a very fancy-looking hat. He almost appeared human, were it not for his overly angular face and violet irises. His voice was low and monotonous, escaping a thin mouth that was wrinkled like a raisin.

"_Is that the Pope_?" Mina risked in a quiet murmur. She could feel Teague's head shaking against her neck in silent laughter.

"_Wrong religion, babe." _

Well, that answered _that_ question. Mina took her time observing the groom as well. It was better than listening to the fake Pope officiate and whatnot. Teague's "super fat and wrinkly cousin" appeared to be in his late fifties. But he was Fae, so who knew? His dark hair was shoulder length and a bit greasy, or maybe it just grew that way naturally. He had an impressive gut and a comfortable layer of double chin insulating his neck. He was a head shorter than Bridezilla, and at eye level with her full… chest… No wonder the man proposed. Even if she _was _green and skanky.

Mina decided to nickname them The Penguin and Elphaba. Except the groom didn't _yet _appear to be dangerous and insane like the classic Batman villain, and Bridezilla _definitely_ didn't yet appear to have a touching backstory or amazingly catchy musical numbers.

"If anyone present has any reason as to why these two should not be joined in Holy Matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace." The priest's voice interrupted her thoughts, echoing eerily throughout the cavernous chapel.

The room was deathly silent for two perfectly average seconds, then-

_BAM!_

The previously shut entry doors slammed open, the two soldiers guarding it stumbled to the sides in surprise, and a giant, flying cat soared into the room, mounted by a determined… elf… in shining armor.

"I OBJECT!" He roared, his glorious white mane of hair whipping behind him like a rope as his cat-dragon jumped noisily over the pews of screaming guests.

Teague's delighted grin at the spectacle split open his face. "BANG BANG into the rooom-" He began singing.

"TEAGUE!" Both the Queen and Mina cried out, elbowing him at the same time.

"Uhgghh…" He whined, grasping at his sore abdomen.

Mina ignored his whimpering, entirely distracted by the man charging crazily to the altar. The groomsmen and bridesmaids were completely alert for the first time since they entered the room. The groom himself looked utterly baffled and confused by the sudden interruption- Mina could relate- and the bride seemed stunned and frozen stiff. The priest stood behind them so casually, one would think this happened at _every_ wedding in the palace. Then again… maybe it did.

The elf man leapt gracefully from his noble cat-dragon-steed and yanked the silver helmet from his head. "Lilliyanna, my dove!" He cried, his pale glossy hair flying behind him like the princess from Tangled.

Oh, so that was Elphaba's real name. Mina's thoughts- along with every other female's in the room, most likely- were more occupied with the fact that Elf-Man _literally_ made Orlando Bloom as Legolas look like Justin Beiber in comparison. She must have been gawking a little too hard, because Teague's hand snaked out and pushed her jaw up, closing her gaping mouth.

"My sweet rose!" Elf-Man exclaimed, rushing to Elphaba- err, _Lilliyanna's_- side. A difficult feat, by the way, in her mountain of a skirt. "I've come to carry you away from this-" He eyed the groom like he was a dying leech, "_disgusting_, horrid creature that's seduced you with his wealth and power! Come, my angel, and we'll go back to the Evyr Forest, where we belong. I'll treasure you forever and a day! I'll worship the very ground you tread upon. I'll…" His promises went on and _on_, as the cat-dragon blocked the aisle and kept back any soldiers that were foolish enough to cross it.

"Lucian!" Maeve cried, looking like she was two seconds away from choking someone to death. "Lucian, _do _something! This is entirely unacceptable! Guards, stop him! Oh, you're all useless!" She was standing up and waving her perfect, slender arms around madly.

"Do something?" The King asked casually, "But it's just getting interesting…"

"Ugh!" The Queen wailed, fully prepared to march over and dispatch the intruder herself.

"Mother," Teague began with a simpering smirk, "I think the _best_ thing we can do right now is let them work out their issues. After all, they really should get this nasty mess sorted out before the cake cutting. Wouldn't you agree?"

She merely scowled at her son and husband, throwing herself back onto the pew in a very unqueenly fashion. Mina almost wanted to smile, but she was much too invested in the drama going down at the altar for that.

"My divine goddess," Elf-Man continued, "be my mate and live together with me for eternity! Be my other half, my perfect match, and make me the happiest man in all the land!"

It seemed his extensive, bizarre speech was at its end, as he gazed up at the bride, down on one knee, like she was the very essence of heaven. The poor groom was obviously stunned and horrified. Mina could hardly blame him. In the looks and physique department, there was no contest. The bride's expression was perhaps the most priceless one, though. Her dark, fluffy lips were parted in a perfect O, her black eyes were wide and unblinking, and her body was as stiff as a board.

The silence that filled the air was more suffocating than ever before. After a tense moment, Lilliyanna closed her mouth, clasped her shaky hands together, and slowly edged towards the very handsome, very _verbose _suitor. Her groom looked completely crushed. And, even though Mina still found him unattractive and creepy-looking, she had a sudden urge to give him a comforting hug. Poor guy.

The voluptuous bride approached the elf until she was within touching distance. His perfectly proportioned face was lit up with an elated, victorious grin.

This cheerful look immediately disappeared, however, when the green woman then proceeded to cock her arm back and punch him squarely in the face.

"Aghh! My nose!" He squealed, stumbling backwards and making very unmanly noises. While every other face in the room displayed a perfect expression of shock, Lilliyanna's portrayed nothing but pure rage.

"Emmyt, you bastard!" She roared, knocking Elf-Man onto his rear end. "How _dare_ you bust in here, interrupt my dream ceremony, and tell me to come back to you! Who do you think you are!?"

"But, Angel cake-"

"Don't you '_angel cake'_ me! Not only do you cheat on me with _all seven_ of my sisters, you come in and try to ruin my perfect, princess wedding to _my_ Prince Charming!? _Hell __no_, you gonna beat for that!" She hollered, hiking up her massive skirt and brandishing the lethal-looking, eight inch crystal heels on her dainty little feet. She then began to attack him with the shoes, drawing further squeals and pained moans from her ex.

"Lilli! Lilliyanna, stop!" Elf-Man cried, trying to protect his handsome face as Bridezilla went to town on it. Everyone else in the room watched in bewilderment.

"Did _you _stop with Lillandra? No! You also had Lillix, Lillanee, Lillowill, Lillayna, Lilleese, _and_ Lilluania before you were satisfied! And Lilluania's barely out of puberty! You-" The lovely bride continued with a long string of very harsh words that Mina didn't understand. But, judging by how far up Teague's eyebrows had risen, she could safely assume they were profane.

"Aggghh!" Elf-Man hollered, as Lilliyanna's pristine heel actually penetrated the skin on his right arm. "Lilli! I made a mistake! A _huge_ mistake! I've regretted my behavior every moment of every day since you left! And when I heard you were to wed that no-good, palace-lounging lord, I couldn't stop myself! I had to come and stop you from making the biggest mistake of your life. Chaining yourself to a disgusting, fat man who only wants you for your body-"

"Hold it!" Bridezilla snapped, swiftly kicking her ex's stomach and knocking the wind out of him. Her shiny black eyes narrowed slowly. "_What_ did you just say? How _dare _you spew off all those things about Allister. You don't even know him! He _loves _me, and my body has nothing to do with it!" She punctuated theses declarations with perfectly timed kicks to his abdomen.

"B-but-" The elf sputtered.

"Allister has treated me like a queen since the day we met! He holds doors open for me when we go places. He tells me I look beautiful no matter _how_ bloated I feel. He rode on horseback two days straight _every_ week to visit me when we courted. He never gets angry with me, never shouts, and he_ never_ hits me when he's had too much to drink!" With that barb, she targeted his groin with her heel.

"Oh, sweet mercy-!"

"And, you know what else, Emmyt? He _listens_ to me. He _asks_ my opinion on things. He cares about what I think! On my birthday, he traveled all the way to the Mistmire Mountains to pick me a bouquet of everlasting ruby roses, just because I said, _one time, _that I wished I could see some in person. You never even _remembered _my birthday!" Lilliyanna finally took a step back from her helpless ex and stared down at him apathetically. "And don't you ever talk about his weight again. It's a simple health condition, and I happen to find him_ very_ attractive."

The bride crossed her slender arms and arched an eyebrow at the battered man on the floor. "You don't know anything about me, and you certainly don't know anything about him. So get up, get out, and stop embarrassing yourself." With that, she primly fixed her dress and adjusted the neckline.

Elf-Man struggled to pull himself to his feet and gesture for the cat-dragon. It was pretty clear that his ego was just as tattered as the rest of his body. He hobbled onto the flying creature dejectedly and took off into the air, being chased from the chapel by a half-dozen angry guards.

Lilliyanna turned away and walked briskly back to her fiancé. When the bride's face came back into view, Mina was almost stunned to see tears misting her eyes, as she smiled sweetly and placed a hand on the groom's cheek.

"I love you_ so_ much, Alli-bear." She whispered, blinking her eyes rapidly, trying to keep the crying at bay. She leaned down and placed her forehead against his, stroking his long hair with her gloved hands. "So much."

The plump man smiled widely, showcasing a pair of dimples and perfect white teeth. A rosy blush adorned his face. "I love you too, Lilli-bug. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. You know that." He nuzzled her nose with his own.

At that point, Mina couldn't help but bring her hands to her cheeks in total fangirl-surrender. And what happened then? Well, as Prince Teague would say, Wilhelmina Grimm's small heart grew three sizes that day.

The bride wrapped her arms around her groom's neck and turned to the fake Pope. "Let's get this show on the road." She smiled against Allister's cheek. "I am so ready to be Mrs. Allister Rockwyn LaRoux."

Mina leaned back on the pew in complete awe. She hadn't had this many feels since she read every volume of _Faster than a Kiss_ in one night. And, as she watched the odd, madly in love couple with bewildered wonder, she murmured- _"I ship it so hard._"

The meddlesome Dark Prince must have heard her, because he leaned in and replied, "_Totally_. Hashtag-TeamAlliyanna for life."

Mina raised her eyebrow at the totally bizarre statement that somehow escaped his mouth, yet couldn't help but nod in agreement. They were on the same page after all.

"Well," Fake-Pope declared, gesturing to the roomful of scandalized guests. "If there aren't any other dirty-rotten-no-good-cheaters who object to this union, may I carry on?"

_Hmm_, she liked this fake Pope after all.

No one from the painfully silent room spoke up, so he continued the ceremony where he left off, much to the Queen's obvious relief.

Mina relaxed in her seat, not concerning herself with Teague's annoying arm thrown back over her shoulders, or his thick hair that was making her neck sweaty, or the fact that she had to pee. No, for once, Mina was just enjoying the moment and watching two people who were obviously meant for one another join in matrimony. It was kind of nice.

"Do you take Lilliyanna Crescent Brynthia-Rose to be your lawfully wedded wife?" The fake Pope questioned the groom.

Allister smiled warmly and nodded. "I do."

Fake-Pope turned to the bride and asked, "Do you take Lord Allister Rockwyn LaRoux of Mylen Manor to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

Lilliyanna sniffed and wiped away a stray tear before it could ruin her perfect makeup. "I _do_."

The priest nodded, clearly satisfied that his job was done. "By the authority vested in me by the all-powerful Fates, I now pronounce you man and wife." He gestured between the two. "You may kiss your bride."

And boy, did he ever. Lord Allister dipped his tall wife in a very fairytale-like fashion and kissed her long and good. _Lady_ Lilliyanna threw her arms around his neck and kissed back with a passion. Mina shipped it, but still felt the need to avert her eyes.

It really was a picture perfect storybook moment. That is, until Teague apparently became bored of the extended kissing session and decided to do that troublesome habit of his.

The Prince jumped up, tossed his arms into the air, and declared to the entire room, "Well, _that_ was interesting! Mazel tov and all that good stuff. Now, I don't know about the rest of you, but I say- LET US EAT CAKE!"

Needless to say, the Queen got in quite a few more jabs and smacks before the wedding party had finally dispersed.

**°******۵******°**


End file.
